Pouakai Circuit and Vietnam

“It’s only 24k. Let’s just run it in a morning”.

These were Dan’s words on learning that I planned to walk the Pouakai circuit over 2 days staying a night in the mountain lodge. (Dan is not a fan of the protracted brunch). This 24-year-old ultra-sporty whelp wasn’t gonna intimidate me, so I agreed and got another round in to seal the deal. The next day at 6am we met in the rain and sploshed our way round a poorly maintained hiking trail. I confess it stopped being funny quite early on, and my old joints took about 2 weeks to recover, but it was necessary not to let the side down.

Pouakai circuit:

Not long afterwards Dan and fiancé Shannon returned to the UK but by happy coincidence I bumped into them again in Vietnam (“whilst I’m in NZ I’ll pop across and visit Asia, since I’m in the vicinity”, I thought ).

“Wrong again, idiot”.

It takes longer to get to Vietnam from NZ than it does from the UK (19h as opposed to 15h. https://www.rome2rio.com. This is an excellent travel website).

But I had promised myself a holiday in Asia and a holiday in Asia I would have.

Vietnam train, 5:23am

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YaTVcerHYHqcOzuQK3sydFaMAlGCfxux/view?usp=sharing

Vietnamese Wedding cake

Dance class Hanoi central park 6am

https://drive.google.com/file/d/12nTftaMt4JJbzUmQchkYbzVgtYvPNNnc/view?usp=sharing

Hanoi night life

Dan pours himself an ice-cream

“We do it like this old boy. Have another crack at it”.

Motorcycle tour in Vietnam:

I had previously tried and failed to master this skill on an intensive weeklong course. My instructor’s words come back to me “every time we return to the practice centre, I’m relieved you haven’t crashed, Edd”. They wouldn’t even let me attempt the test at the end.

I must plug:

www.offroadvietnam.com

who kindly agreed to take on the challenge of getting me around the Hanoi Northern Loop in 4 days and in 1 piece. Not only did they put up with me changing the route repeatedly as I spotted things I wanted to visit.

https://maps.app.goo.gl/hcs7ZeByLoa9yZRu8?g_st=ig

(on day 3 we rode for over 10 hours during the day, then a further 2 hours in the dark)

Also, our guide found almost all the local food we were eager to try (frog, snake, every kind of offal) but canine eluded us. Not for want of searching.

For all you dog people out there:

In the evenings we were regaled with stories whilst quaffing rice wine and the fresh Vietnamese beer “Bia Hoi” that is brewed daily and whose strength is always a bit of a mystery until later on.

Xuan our guide is explaining to Jonathan that he was so excited to be leading a tour again, that the night before we left, he dreamt about motorcycling and accidentally kicked his wife in bed. She forgave him. Later we learned about border disputes with the Chinese, and how China is trying to steal Vietnam’s Sea “they’re trying to redraw the border, so that China comes down like a big cow’s tongue, swallowing Vietnam’s Sea!” (This an alleged Chinese-Cow-Tongue-Sea-Grab).

I’d booked the tour for myself, but Jonathan, a Kiwi fellow, signed up at the last minute and was a great addition, both for his company and tips on riding (“if you see a pothole ahead, either dodge it completely or hit it head on”, “when off-roading, if the bike starts to slide then speed up and it will straighten up”). He was a professional cameraman to boot and brought along his drone.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mY-uw26t-bEjhPcfXuRLjvvb_2LCMcti/view?usp=sharing

A little hiccup on day 1:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1E_V3KuaGSb15cSo8qH8Ns7IoacDCEQ2M/view?usp=sharing

My motorcycle was retrieved. The front axle that was now bent (I’m just guessing, but it was some part of the bike attached to the front wheel) was kicked back into place and we continued.

With the addition of a second client the cost of my tour fell by a 30% and following the principal of either tipping heavily or not at all, I shared this saving with Xuan at journey’s end. On palming him the sum he looked down at the notes he began to cry, then hurriedly lowered his visor and drove off waving. I’m sure this team (run by a savvy old Vietnamese gentleman, an Ex-schoolteacher of English literature no less) would give excellent service to anyone, but I feel we were particularly spoiled being the first business they’d had in the last 2 years.

Sapa (North Vietnam). Note the little girl fast asleep on a piece of polystyrene, oblivious to the sounds of scooters hooting and the madding crowd stepping around and almost over her. The mother was working the square plying homemade handicrafts and having satisfied the demand for artisan trinkets there she came back, gathered up the little girl and went off to find new buyers. The girl’s look of indignation at being woken was absolutely priceless.

I liked the Vietnamese food, but in general it just needed a little something…

Translation: “make it more spicy”.

After Vietnam I spent a week in Korea. These countries are not very close to each other either, but after travelling from the UK to NZ, an 8-hour flight is a mere bagatelle. Also, I’ve taken advice from The Count of Monte Cristo who sedates himself for long journeys with the aid of opium & hashish lozenges. For those without ready access to these then sedating antihistamines are surprisingly effective, and melatonin is widely available in Asian airports. Also, there is of course our dear and loyal friend alcohol.

Before leaving Vietnam though, there was still one thing I simply had to do:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/13oM6K2qcj6pjBLwO_f_lPNvusR62Mubg/view?usp=sharing

The still-beating snake heart is so small you barely notice it going down, and the blood-vodka chaser I would gladly drink again. Snake bile on the other hand… well it tasted like bile.

My apologies for the bland menu so far. Coming up next: South Korea, where they have an expression:

내 입이 보드에 온다

“my mouth gets board”

if the cuisine is anything less than a riot of different flavours and textures.